Tanuj,
I sat back and had a think, and it occured to me that you've been incredible enthusiastic on a consistent basis since you arrived here. I admire that in people, and stepping back to my own past and the lifetime enthusiasm i've had for writing and playing music, i offer the following, as a personal reflection, and possibly a source of humour for you and my fellow colleagues here.
As one who was fairly easily embarrassed as a youth, and decidely uncertain when it came to dealing with the opposite sex (my my how things have changed, lol), i found refuge in music. My grandfather would play me classical recordings on an old gramophone, and despite the variations in speed that came with such equipment, i learnt to enjoy a wide variety of music, from many composers. His favourites were the russians, and that tends to stay with me today, although Beethoven 'spoke' to me the most, and he is my most listened to, and admired muse. I've always had an enthusiasm for knowledge, and i consider the art of learning a fine way of keeping the mind sharp, and active.
But, there were times when the fear of getting into an embarrassing situation, would hold me back, and sometimes cruel and cynical comments from others would prevent me from pursuing some new line of reference. I entered the conservatory as a young man who wanted to learn as much as i could without restraint, but fearful of the potential for embarrassment, and it took a little while before i realised that the comments and cynicism of others were simply devices to hold me back, or put me down. When i reached that moment of awareness, then the sky was literally the limit, and i dismissed any cynicism with the contempt it deserved, from those who, by acting in this way were acknowledging, their own limitations, in both talent and determination. I could often be found in the conservatory library, late into the evening, thoroughly enjoying myself as i searched for more knowledge, and when the derisory comments came, i simply ignored them and continued on, as i considered my life my own, and not subject to the declarations or limitations of others.
When portable cassette recorders came out in a size i could carry in a pocket (albit a large one!) i carefully recorded all my records, tapes (reel to reel) and eight tracks onto cassette. This was a freedom i'd been searching for, as every waking moment that i wasn't studying, gigging, and breathing, i'd listen to a selected piece, score in hand, and work to make that connection i spoke of in the previous post. There were mant times on a gig when in a break, i'd find a quiet spot to sit, and do this, and i can remember on more than one occasion, when the other band members would have to search for me so we could start the next set!
Planes, trains, and buses, it didn't matter, i'd always have two or three scores at hand, plenty of manuscript, the appropriate cassettes, and what seemed a year's supply of batteries wherever i went. Not only a healthy supply of study materials, but good for staying shape as well!
I guess what i'm rambling towards saying is, we're only here once. (I'm not counting on stem cell research just yet.) And every moment offers the chance to do nothing or something. And there are people here and elsewhere who, bluntly, have information that you want. Once i got past the shy youth experience (Things have DEFINITELY changed!) i asked questions of those who had that information. I was fortunate enough to play in orchestras before an accident, and i took more than one string player to lunch with the intent of getting as much information as i could out of their heads, and into mine. They took it in good spirit, and i found most to be enthusiastic in sharing their perceptions, and techniques. I would take something i'd written, and they would cast an eye over it, offering points to consider, and highlighting potential issues from a player's perspective.
This is strictly personal, but i consider the pursuit of knowledge a noble cause, and as corny as it sounds, i would, and still, don't place any unnecessary obstacle in the way of that pursuit, including emotive responses to the prods and barbs of others, or being afraid or reluctant to ask questions for fear of embarrassment, that may hold me back in this marvellous journey through life.
Having enjoyed reading yours and others posts asking for information with the enthusiasm and determination i admire, i respectfully pass to you one piece of advice that I learnt early, and which has served me extremely well in my modest lifetime.
"Don't let anything or anyone get in your way, through intent or accident, in reaching for the stars."
Aspiration is measured by ourselves, not the benchmarks others think we should have.
I wish you and all my colleagues here every success in whatever you do,
Alex.