Sean,
You ARE insane, and i like that.
From what you wrote, I assume that you are younger than I am, and somehow kind of searching for what I was searching for if I think back.
I studied counterpoint and stuff too, and I share your opinion that nothing is about CPU-consumption, but all about sound.
Thing is, in my profession as a "Tonmeister" for a public german radio-station, being responsible for the sound aesthetics of recordings, I have access to almost every imaginable audio equipment available, including a two-digit-number of different EQs. And there is no real winner.
You will use some equipment because it fits your expectations and will get you fast results, because you personally like the ease of use, or for whatever reason. I donĀ“t think there is such a thing as the best EQ. And even if it would exist, most of the sound you get is accomplished by the user, not the EQ.
I like the fast and musical results I get from Pultec EQP-1A. There are different digital representations available, Waves, Bomb Factory and UA I think. Another EQ I really like is the Massenburg. As a PlugIn it is only available as a TDM-Version right now, but since Avid is changing its PlugIn-platform right now, this might change soon. One should also give a listen to SSLs PlugIns, I do not know those, but the original Hardware. And I do use the VSL-EQ, and I donĀ“t get money for saying so.
Generally: the better the music is, the less mixing you have to apply to make it sound good.
This is my bit. Get Demo-Versions. I suppose you will like more than one EQ.