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There's a lot to be recommended but my gripe would be with your apparent design upon which it fails completely, it is neither electronic in that it is entirely for acoustic instruments and it most definitely is not contemporary classical music. It's melodic, harmonic and rhythmic structure is at least 75 years old. An awful long way from say Birtwistle, Eatvos, Ferneyhough, Barratt, even dear old Carter (of the Elliott kind) and he's a hundred and three!!
Rebranded as a mid twentieth century style orchestral piece or re scored for wind band it might work quite well.
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P Paul moved this topic from Orchestration & Composition on